Friday, December 11, 2020

these are the good old days

 This morning I had a moment of clarity. 

I was sitting at the end of my bed in the middle of freshly washed laundry that Dave had done (since he always does the laundry) and my baby and forever puppy were clamoring around my feet while I tried to fold. Baby and I both still in our super cozy Christmas PJs and messy hair (well, my hair was messy and Esme's would have been if she had any.) 

I was still on a high from our fun evening with friends over decorating Christmas cookies with their baby the night before and looking forward to our other friends coming by for a taco bar lunch this afternoon.

 I looked up and realized the clouds floating by were probably floating over the ocean, and I looked over and saw my sweet husband looking exhausted having his first cup of coffee on the sofa in the middle of out fully decked our Christmasy living room and it just hit me how this is my perfect life. 

Who gets to leave and go walk on the ocean at any time they like when they have a baby or can sneak away to meditate or do pilates whenever they please? 

Who has a husband home for 8 months right after you have your first child? Who gets to live somewhere that it is forever summer? How did this gorgeous, perfect life just seem to fall into place for us right now? I told Dave with tears in my eyes to just look at how beautiful our life is. Saying "I feel grateful" is now such an over used phrase that seems meaningless so I wanted to write out this moment I had this morning above so that it would sink in a little deeper. 

Dear future me, 

please remember something...

on those hard days, you will have moments again like the moment of clarity I had this morning. 

No matter how stupid my thoughts get, those thoughts of fear are not the truth. 

Love and peace is the truth. 

You will see clearly again, you will make it through those dark times that are caused by your own fear based thoughts and see how beautiful and joyful and pure your life has become. The old you is not who you are anymore. The old you has created this new pure version of yourself and you are able to see how precious life is when you live surrounded now by true love. I am who I am because of where I came from, but I will never be that girl again. Now I have a sweet family of my own to love on and be loved by. 

When you have a bad day, hold on because the clouds will pass and peace will return. 

It always eventually does.