Sunday, August 2, 2020

a moment in time

Highlights of our week... 

Perk coffee shop
Our new bedtime routine in the big tub and getting her ready for bed in the master room 
 A relaxing evening at the beach
A mass de-cluttering
Time spent walking to our little hidden private park in the neighborhood 
Wading around the pool with Esme

Pool time with her is so much fun. She loves it! She shrieks over and over for no reason whenever I take her there and it makes everyone at the pool smile. 

I wanted to mention that it was a splendid idea to go for a walk instead of going out to ice cream a few days ago when I wanted to get out of the house. We walked to our private park and I had chocolate chips and peanut butter haha. Everyone was so much happier than if we tried to keep baby happy being strapped into car seat and lugging Arlo around and having to wear masks to go inside and Dave having to watch the time, ect...  Oh how I hope I always remember that time just going for a walk is never regretted! It is so simple yet so enjoyable. So peaceful . I think that my walks around our sweet little neighborhood will be so special when I look back as my daughter's time as a baby.

The night I took Esme and Arlo to the beach was also wonderful. Esme had been cutting her first tooth in the afternoon and then Dave had to go to work. It was a stressful time but since she woke up from her nap happy, I had a thought that if I didn't live by the ocean, I would probably wish so often I could take my baby and puppy there. Sometimes I take the beach for granted and the fact we live down the street from the dog beach is so incredible! I realized how simple a night at the beach can be if I allow it to be so. Instead of packing Esme every little thing she could ever possibly need, I reminded myself I am still breastfeeding, we won't be walking and all I need is a sheet to sit on and nothing else! Not even shoes! Too often we complicate just going to the beach. It can be such a simple pleasure and not some huge field trip that we need to pack up for. 

I hope to go to the beach far more often at night this summer because the shift in perspective staring at the ocean gives me is miraculous. The ocean breeze, the sounds, the smell of the ocean. I cannot believe I get to raise my daughter down the street from the ocean! Sometimes I think I must be dreaming. 

I am happy to have remembered the importance of getting Esme out in nature as often as I can. So many children today are sitting indoors on their devices instead of running wild outside. I want to teach myself to release fear that she will get hurt in nature and instead remember that the mental and emotional damage of NOT letting her run wild in nature is far greater than if she gets a scrapped knee or god forbid my greatest fear; some sand in her eye. These things are obviously far less damaging than keeping her cooped up indoors. I want her to learn early that nature heals all. I want her to feel a connection with the natural world and to feel comfortable with her running free in untamed nature. What a beautiful gift this would be to give another human being. Allowing my daughter to discover the world on her own. I learned from the RIE method a very interesting truth and that is that every time I intervene to show Esme how something works I take away the gift of her being able to discover it on her own. That is something she can never get back. I hope to be a very present mother but allow her to explore and discover things and interpret them on her own without me imparting my own vision of what things are. 

She already loves to be outside so much. She is so peaceful when I take her out! Unfortunately the summer heat sometimes makes it difficult but I do my best. She loves looking at shadows the wind in the trees make and watching birds fly by.

It is shocking how fast the weeks fly by. Seriously, shocking. Blogging our weeks lately has caused me to realize how fast every Saturday rolls around again. Already I have moved around things than what they are in the photos of our home. How interesting photos are. They capture just one moment in time. Life is always changing, both internally and externally. Waves of peace, calm and and joy come to me and this week I am attempting to learn how to live in this state longer. I am watching my inner dialogue like a hawk. With constant care of another human, I know I need to be vigilant to spend time on my personal self growth as well. Becoming a mother has taught me the value of not wasting time when I get a moment to do something! 

Lately I have started holding Esme during her naps longer, like I did when she was a newborn. Instead of rushing to put her down, I just watch her in my arms sleeping peacefully. She looks so happy in her sleep being in her mommies arms. 

One last highlight from the week that made such a huge impact was the day I decided to go through all the stuff I was storing and get rid of everything that no longer served the new me because my old clothes finally fit! Now, I am a momma who lives near the beach but in a classy city with some classy mama girlfriends! I am not a Flight Attendant. I am not a Special Needs Teacher's Assistant. I am not pregnant or postpartum. I am a momma who loves being natural sometimes and adventure time outdoors but also loves getting cute sometimes and wearing heels and a full face of makeup! I was holding on to so many things that I used to need. I cannot explain how light and free I feel now when I walk into my closet and know that everything I have is what I see. There is no clothes hidden away somewhere. I know exactly what I have and where it is! 

Now, off to do some meditation, journaling and yoga before she wakes up. Today is hurricane day. Dave is gone and it is just Esme, Arlo and I. I know I will be so glad I centered myself before things get weird out there! I am surprisingly feeling safe and cozy inside our home and don't have any anxiety about it. I am grateful for having so much delicious food in the fridge and that many rooms feel extra cozy today.